I do like it when people are shaken from their humdrum existence and shown a slanted view of the world. There are a few reasons for this, and only one of them is being able to use the word humdrum.
As mentioned on this blog before (here) I do like it when your average Joe Citizen gets their perception of their world messed with, even a tiny bit – be it a flashmob, a random amusing sign, or using a seven legged spider to pay a bill. But what happens when the tables are turned? What happens when someone messes with the messers? And what happens if I just happen to be the one doing the messing? Who was the unsuspecting messee? Mr David Thorne – the man behind the seven legged spider gag that went viral around the world. Read on my friends, read on!
So amused was I with David’s antics with seven legged spiders, real estate agents and drug dealing that I decided to buy his book. In March. I eagerly awaited its delivery, but received absolutely nothing. After two months I decided to follow it up….
Subject: FW: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Thu, 13 May 2010 13:39:16 +1000
I just realized I haven’t received this book. It’s been nearly two months.
I’m unsure if it is sent from the States or Adelaide.
Can you please chase up – I was looking forward to delving into your book – but I kind of need it delivered first!
I received nothing back. So……
Subject: RE: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Thu, 20 May 2010 09:21:30 +1000
I didn’t get a response to this one. Please advise ASAP.
Nothing again. Soooo…….
On 07/06/2010, at 12:55 AM, Dave Sinclair wrote:
I’m still waiting here. No book. No response.
What’s going on?
Not even a bloody 7 legged spider.
Then, finally a response!
Re: Your payment to David Thorne
There was a discrepancy with deliveries when I changed distributors from Cafepress to Fonatine Press (the publishers) but I assumed this had been dealt with.
I have forwarded your email and I apologise for the delay, I am in the US on holiday at the moment.
David Thorne 27bslash6
This email may contain either nudity or highly personal misinformation.
Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described in this email may be potentially dangerous.
I think you would look nice in a 27b/6 t-shirt. Unless the word sheep™ has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.
But alas. No book materialised. So what, my dear reader, is a bored blogger to do? Mess with his mind is the obvious answer….
On 21/06/2010, at 1:18 AM, Dave Sinclair wrote:
I’m not surprised you’re living it up in the US. You’re obviously swanning about in the lap of luxury bandying about the cash you’ve pilfered from poor unsuspecting suckers. And by poor unsuspecting suckers, I of course mean me.
I would like to share with you some of my favourite parts of your book….
…oh that’s right. I don’t have your book.
I only ordered it in March. Why would I expect it before now? I can only suspect that you’ve scarpered with my $27.86USD and living it up in some penthouse with your bimbos and your bling and your hi-fi stereo and your Yanni CDs and your Gucci loafers and your Ray Band sunglasses and your ‘Facts of Life’ board game.
I’ve looked up what $27.86USD can buy you…..
· Webster’s Ferrarese – English Thesaurus Dictionary (http://www.powells.com/biblio/9780497834906?&PID=719) where I can look up words like gyp, rip-off, bamboozle, bilk, cheat, deceive, defraud, dupe, fleece, flimflam, gip, gull, hoodwink, hustle, pull something, rook, scam, swindle, take for a ride and trick.
All of which I’m sure you would enjoy.
I’m wondering if you enjoyed them as much as I’m enjoying your book?
This reminds me of the 5th grade when Paul Lazarus asked to ‘borrow’ my C3PO action figure. He said he needed it to re-enact the cantina scene. But he wasn’t. He was recreating the trash compactor scene. Instead of a meticulously crafted diorama where the walls close in, he just gathered a whole heap of Star Wars figurines and sat on them. He was a big boy too. Even by 6th grader standards. I haven’t heard from him in years, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he isn’t hiring himself out as a small island or defending London against Luftwaffe attack, but the loss of C3PO still hurts. Mrs Larcomb finally made him replace C3PO, but it wasn’t with another C3PO. It was with Muffit, the dog from Battlestar Galactica. I mean, really. Sure, C3PO is the gayest of all robots, but damn it, he was OUR golden gay robot.
So, in retrospect, that story doesn’t have a lot to do with the missing book/$27.86USD, but if it in some ways wasted your time, then hey, it was worth it, because after all, that’s what you’ve been doing with mine.
We’ll speak again when I don’t hear back from you.
Now, with a response like that, there’s two ways this baby could have gone. One involved the phrase ‘Go fuck a hedgehog’, the other he reacts with good humour and shows he can take as well as receive….
Re: Your payment to David Thorne
David Thorne (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Tuesday, 22 June 2010 1:00:06 AM
While your email was entertaining to read and well written, I can assure you I forwarded your last email to the publishers.
I am not responsible for orders or delivery personally.
As your email did amuse though, I am sending you a personal copy, to the Queen Street address.