Dave Vs David – The Conclusion!

A few of you have been asking did I receive my book from Mr Thorne – in reference to our elongated discussions (here).  The simple and short answer is – no.  This is despite numerous more emails to the Davemiester, as I’m sure nobody calls him.  In fact things took a very interesting turn indeed.
What did I have to do to try and get my ever elusive book to finally arrive and have Mr Thorne get all uppity?  I’m glad you asked….
From: Dave
To:
 david@27bslash6.com
Subject: RE: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Mon, 12 July 2010 08:33:30 +1000

Dear Dave.
Can I call you Dave?  No?  OK.
Dear Ethel.
Long time, no abuse.  Did you miss me?  Because I missed you.  Random question, do you like history? 
In 1916 Woodrow Wilson promised to keep the US out of World War 1.
In 1940 Franklin Roosevelt promised to keep the US out of World War 2.
In 1987 Bob Hawke promised, “By 1990, no Australian child will be living in poverty”.
In 1988 George Herbert W Bush promised, “Read my lips, no new taxes.”
In 1989 Kim Wilkinson promised me she’d let me feel up her boobs.
What do all these things have in common?  They’re all broken promises. 
In 2010 David Thorne promised “I am sending you a personal copy, to the Queen Street address.
So, anyway, getting back to the Star Wars action figure story, after the devastation that was the C3-PO saga, I picked myself up and concentrated on the ones I had left.  Now, any budding ten year old at the time would advise that you were obliged to have at least one Luke Skywalker in your collection (mine was the cool black clad one from Jedi).  I mean, if you didn’t, it would be like having a porn collection without at least one movie with Ron Jeremy in it.  Although, that probably wasn’t an analogy we used at the time. Any kid in the know would tell you Bobba Fett was the shit.  Paul Lazarus wasn’t let anywhere near Bobba.  I mean, come on, he had a jet pack!  Nothing’s cooler than a jet pack.  OK, maybe a monkey riding a dinosaur shooting lasers.  That’s slightly cooler.  Just.  No self respecting kid (well, except the ones that grew up idolising vacuum cleaners and the collected works of Barbra Streisand) would ever possess a Princess Leia figure.  Although, for an action figure, her breasts were abnormally large.
Which leads us back to Kim Wilkinson.
Anyway, have a nice, you know.
At least I received a quick – if not overly humorous response from our mate Dave:
From:
Sent:
Tuesday, 13 July 2010 11:16:56 AM
To:
Dave
3 to 5 days shipping after ordered (working days) plus 10 to 14 days (working days) equals how many days before Mr Sinclair receives his book?
Regards, David.
David Thorne 27bslash6

Now, the astute amongst you will notice something about his reply – it was directed at the publishers….yet it was addressed to me.  10 to 14 days later….
From: Dave
To:
 david@27bslash6.com
On 08/08/2010, at 7:49 PM,

Hello my old friend!

I’ve being doing some maths – I know, it does my head in too.  Well, you see, in year twelve I received a whopping 35% for maths…..that’s good right?

Anyway, back to me.  

I did some research on the interwebs and found that the average speed of the Australian tortoise (it’s called “tortoise” as it has feet (including webbed feet) while a “turtle” has flippers – and you didn’t think you’d learn anything today…….) is .27 km/h.  That’s around 6.48 kilometres per day.

I ordered your good book (I call it that, but not having received it, it’s a bit hard to tell) on the 23rd of March.  That’s some 4 months, 17 days ago.  If you had strapped the book on the back of an Australian tortoise, travelling the 728 kilometres between Melbourne and Adelaide, it would have taken said tortoise (I like to think he would be called Mr Winkey) some 112.4 days.  Sure, that’s if he didn’t stop for a sleep, a cigarette or those notorious tortoise hookers, but that’s not a bad way to see the country.  Given that it has been some 139 days since I ordered the book, I think the tortoise delivery service (TDS) would be more reliable, and let’s face it, a lot more fun.

Some would call me a stickler.  Some would say I should just let the whole thing go.  But you know me well enough by now (I consider us best friends, I hope you do too!) that a little thing like letting this go is beyond me.  You may as well ask me not to picture Chewbacca in a bikini.  I bet you are too now, we’re so alike!

In the email below, you say, in your warm and fuzzy voice, that 3 -5 days shipping after ordered and up to 14 working days until delivery – well, that by my maths, is August 32nd 2078.  But someone here at work pointed out it was actually last week.

Because we’re such good buddies, I would also like to point out that in your email below…….well, you did address it to me and not to the book place.  (I’m ignoring that you called me Mr Sinclair, but I’ll let it slide as you probably didn’t want to let them know how close we are)  Are you trying to draw this out so we keep in contact?  That’s so you!

I look forward to hearing from you again and again and again and again.

Your good friend and mine, me.

PS:  Mr Whinkey says hi.

All fine and good right kids?  Well, this is where things begin to turn nasty.


From: twentysevenbslash6@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2010 20:31:16 -0400
To: gagfdave@hotmail.com

I have checked your status and apparently your order was processed long ago. 
Perhaps the additional few hits per week, by referencing the 27b/6 name, to your blog, is fuelling the pretence of a missing book.
You do not get a third book sent out – your previous emails were more entertaining than this one.
You what? 
It took me a few reads to fully realise out what he just said.  After gathering myself and pushing down my initial thoughts of reply I went on to answer Mr Thorne….
From: Dave
To:
 david@27bslash6.com
Subject: RE: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 11:37:38 +1000

Davey boy,

Now this is an interesting turn of events isn’t it?

Basically, correct me if I’m wrong, you just called me a liar and a fame hound.

Where I comes from, thems fighten words.

“Pretence of a missing book” you say.  When a book doesn’t show up Dave, that’s not a pretence, that’s a fact.  That the order was “processed long ago”, while interesting, is irrelevant.  Kind of like Megan Fox.  I don’t have your book.  I never received your book, so I keep asking for your book.  See how that works?

As for the oh so subtle insinuation (and by subtle, I of course mean, not) that our little tait-a-tait is being done for hits on my blog, you may notice that nobody actually reads my blog and it is done for the amusement of a few of my friends, so why would I be chasing more hits?  And additionally, you’ll notice that I haven’t posted any of our discussions since the initial one.  That, of course will now change.

And connected to that – the only way you would have found my blog is if you were searching for references about your good self.  How black is that kettle Mr Pot?

For a bloke who has become semi-well known for wit and cleverness, I can see in our little discussions that in real life, the reality just doesn’t seem to live up to the pretence.  And back to Megan Fox again.

In the absence of your book, I was quite enjoying our little chats, more from my side than your monosyllabic responses, but enjoying them nonetheless. 

And then you called me a liar. 
I may be several things Mr Thorne, an annoying emailer, maddeningly stubborn, an excellent parallel parker and one hell of a lover, but there is one thing I’m not (two if you count duck wrangler) and that is a liar. It was all very amusing up to that point, but my self respect is worth more than receiving a book I’ve paid for and never received.  And because of that, I simply say – fuck you.
I hope you really enjoy your well earned $27.86USD.
To be honest, the books arrival was always going to be a letdown.  I had been having far too much fun hassling him that anything else would be a bit of a downer.  And then he turned.  I can abide many things in this world, but when someone pointedly accuses me of deception and fraud, well, Mr Charming will take a back seat to self respect every time.  Nobody gets to impugn my integrity and have me simply let it go.
And Dave, if you’re reading this, and I’m sure you are, I repeat my sentiment with a full and heavy heart – go fuck yourself.
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About Dave Sinclair

Dave is a writer, a screenwriter and a really excellent parallel parker. If you want to learn more about the guy (except for the last bit), go here - www.davesinclair.com.au View all posts by Dave Sinclair

15 responses to “Dave Vs David – The Conclusion!

  • bruce

    Well, what an ass monkey he is. I'm really curious to know how he stumbled on your little blog without really enthusiastically searching for himself. Sounds like he does a lot of things to and with himself.There is a little phrase I know, I think it suits him well….DOUCHE BAG !!!What a scam !

  • Anonymous

    Dave, I just stumbled on your blog (just like David Thorne I guess……snigger…….).Top stuff. Amazing how quickly someone can turn from someone you admire to, as Bruce puts it, Douche Bag.I won't be buying his book either!

  • Alli Sinclair

    Is David Thorne nuts? He already knows you'll post his emails, so he goes ahead and accuses you of being a liar? Man, that's almost as bad as an author arguing with book reviewers.I know for a fact you are not a liar nor would you use someone else's fame to create your own. Of course, now you have over a million people following the blog it must all be as a result of Mr Thorne. Ummm….I am speechless.

  • MelWuv

    Oh LD, you've warmed my blackened heart. POWER TO THE PEOPLE! CHEAP LAUGHS FOR ALL!And Mr Thorne – you are a douche canoe. Give the good man his book, and naff off.That is all

  • Anonymous

    So he can dish it out like a champ, but when it get served to him he acts like a little bitch? I have always felt that this D.Throne character was either bi-polar or a conglomerate of several writers operating under the pseudonym of ‘David Thorne’. His efforts seem to be all over the place. Some are comedic gold; others are plain lower case m’eh and this latest attempt just shows how when you look in the dictionary for the word ‘Douchebag’ there is a picture of him and a link to his site.

  • Longy

    I refrained from commenting on your original blog post because I wanted to say that David Thorne struck me as a bit of a tool but I didn't want to make my opinion known because you had spent real money on his book and it was very clear to me that you were obviously very close friends. Insult by association and all that.Of course, we have now come to the point where I can voice my opinion without fear. The truth shall set you free! He's a douche bag!Love your work Dave.

  • Shandy

    Davey Davey Davey.Can I call you that?Too funny. Can you please start blogging as often as you have done previously? You really made my day/week. Coffee almost came out my nose – again.I think you handled yourself with class in the face of an ass clown.PS: I haven't seen so many uses of the word douche in quite some time. I may have to reload it onto the Slangwagon (another Dave-ism!).PPS: Do you still keep in contact with Kim Wilkinson? She sounds nice.

  • Terrence

    what's and asst moneky?

  • Chris B

    Unfortunately I had the same exact problem with Mr. Thorne. Paid my money recieved no book. I was not given a refund.

  • Scott Mintred

    @Dave: Good stuff. Always appreciate someone giving Thorne a good razzing.I'm curious; did you order your book via Cafepress, via 27bslash6, or some other means? (Sorry if that's been covered in a previous post. I haven't delved back yet).I ask because I've been arguing with him every so often for about 2 years, and I'm always looking for new info.http://www.mintred.com/article/150/trademarks_and_fairytales_of_david_thorne_part_iv/

  • Anonymous

    Fuck man. Maybe your postman just kept it. I ordered mine and got it in like a week. check the tracking number.

  • Dave ~

    Thanks Anon – I would have if I ever recieved a tracking number or anything like that.I got donuts instead.

  • Chris

    I ordered a book from David, paid paypal to david@27bslash6.com and never recived it either. I was promised it would be sent and was delayed due to printing but some 4 months on no book. No funny emails either. As said in the thread, not so funny.

  • Peter

    Your story is all too familiar. I have had similar experiences with Mr Thorne. Many people are still owed their book. Hopefully this site helps.http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Thorne-Book-Delivery-Issues/172946992722669?v=wall

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